Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
