Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
