you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Randomize
