No, drunk sperm still make babies.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
