theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize