normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
