if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
