Welp...herpes.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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