Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
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