She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
