Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Randomize
