the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Randomize
