doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
He passed out mid-signature
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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