I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
