guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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