in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
