So drunk its hurt
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
