Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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