My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Randomize
