i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Randomize
