can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
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