the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
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