we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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