hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize