Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize