Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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