I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
