Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
