How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
