I feel like I'm in dance class right now
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
