I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize