grandma shit on top of the toilet
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
