life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
