No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
