no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
