Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
