well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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