Sacagawea was the original milf.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Randomize
