I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize