1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize