Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Nicole vs. Life
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
where are my eyebrows?
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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