I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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