Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Princesses don't give blow jobs
no you cant smoke seaweed
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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