That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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