The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
