the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
