So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Randomize