My room smells like vodka and shame
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
