Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
he thought i was a dude.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Randomize
