he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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