You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
