Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
