he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
