Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
