My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
