I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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