9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
