We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
