just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Randomize
