Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
