Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
