just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I think your dad took our porno
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
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