to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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