I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
